Whoohoo! I found a little gem in the classifieds at ’Honest Joes used ship shipyard’; a slightly second hand Krait with only one careful owner. Unbelievably low milage, ridiculously economical yet exceedingly fast. Full history!

I think that sounds really promising, even if it's another Falcon DeLacy ship. I’ll go there right away, while I still know where I put the flipping keys to the Sidewinder. Brb!

Damnit! I have waited long enough, and I don't think Faulcon DeLacy is going to do anything to fix the Sidewinders deplorable lack of cup holders. Anyway the ship is only marginally larger than the key fob that holds the ship keys, and I keep losing either (or both) of them when I get even a little bit distracted. So I feel it’s time to shop for a new ship.

I hear good things about Anacondas and Cutters. Unfortunately the piggy bank has been on a hunger strike lately, so I fear I will have to do some sofa mining for some extra coins. And while I have the abrasion blaster out, I ought to check between the seats and the centre console in the Sidewinder too. I may even convince the filter in the washing machine to help with a modest donation as well.

Hmmm....let’s see what we have in the classifieds.

That pesky station manager has returned to inform me that they are about to send out an APB on me, now that they have positively identified me from ‘DNA found on items left at the scene during the unauthorised exit’. I am to return immediately or else...

I have a sneaking suspicion that I have been ratted out to the authorities by some underwear that missed the hamper. Dammit. I’ll sleep another night in the ship, while I plan my the next move.

I’m starting to miss my Hutton mug. I could absolutely kill for a mug of steaming hot coffee made from Juton Mookah or the best Lavian Hillbilly beans…or anything hot and black really...

Well I just got a call from the station manager! He informed me that my Hutton mug has been arrested for loitering (apparently its too small to get shot by the lasers). He continued to inform me that it has been fined 500 Cr for said crime and that I owe him another 200 Cr for an 'unauthorised exit’.

I responded that I had no relations with the aforementioned mug but that I wished it good luck in paying off the 500 Cr fine, and as for the ‘unauthorised exit’, he could go and extort the Type-10 for the remainder of the fines. After all he was doing the flying, not me! Problem solved.

Today I solved the tricky business of exiting the Coriolis through the mail slot (as opposed to through the cat flap). I simply rolled down the window and latched on to an exiting Type-10. Nobody noticed a small speck on the side of the enormous vessel, brilliant! Only problem seems to be that my Hutton mug and a few other knickknacks have defected. They somehow got themselves sucked out of the window, but right now that’s not important. I’m out and ready to do business! I’m sure I can retrieve them when I get back.

To Faulcon DeLacy

In response to your reply, I must object to your insinuations when you state that you have ‘no records of successful businessmen flying Sidewinders’. Also you need to update your thesaurus; your excessive use of ’why?’, ‘how?’, ’surprised’ and ’bewildered’, is somewhat repetitive!

I am a very respected businessman in my community and I make dozens of credits on deals nearly every day! Your records (and thesaurus) suck!

No regards

C.S.

Dear Faulcon DeLacy.

I write to you to turn your attention to a cockpit design problem I have experienced with one of your products; the Sidewinder.

Recently I was on my way back from a hugely successful business trip. When I was about to land in my local Coriolis station, I wanted to turn the landing lights on just before landing on my designated landing pad. I reached for the switch but my astronomically expensive Rowlax watch accidentally caught the boost button, throwing me violently back into my seat. The motion spilled coffee and Oreos everywhere and sent my Hutton mug straight towards my seat where it connected with my head right between my eyes. I almost lost consciousness! The sudden pain made me reach for my poor head causing me to accidentally pull back on the flight controls. This sent my Sidewinder straight up towards a Type-10 moored on the opposite side of the Coriolis. The size of a Type-10 makes it exceedingly difficult to miss but thanks to my cat like reflexes and hours of flight experience I managed to steer clear of it. Desperate I tried to slow down while keeping the Sidewinder from hitting other ships or structures but it’s not easy with coffee in your eyes and a big lump on your forehead.

Luckily I happen to know of a cat flap in the back of the station (don’t EVEN ask me why I know) and narrowly managed to squeeze the Sidewinder through it and out the back.

While the Sidewinder is a capable ship in the hands of an expert like me, I do worry that less capable commanders might not fare so well with these obviously glaring design flaws in your product.

PLEASE add a cupholder to the cockpits of your product line.

Best regards

C.S.

Note to self: You can’t scoop the brown ones.

Anybody know how to re-re-wire a docking computer? Yeah asking for the same friend.