Last time in the port Huan picked up some rather shady character named "Tal". He flew through the glass window of the bar and of course Huan had to buy him a drink. I am not certain what exactly transpired, but the end of the story is that he flies with us now and that I am getting really strange vibes from that man. Not only does he drink too much, he also had an imperial tracker implant which I had to extract.

In any case Huan seems to trust him more than me which does, I am honest, between me and myself here, hurts. I kept you alive so often, Huan, and you prefer that man over me? Looking at it from a professional angle I assume that exactly that untrustworthy aura of that man attracts you, am I right? Subconsciously looking for another way to end yourself.

Well, since Huan is back piloting and not hibernating anymore I do have more time to bore myself to death and take pictures at least.

Quite some ly's away from .. pretty much everything we found this ringed terraformable waterworld with 99% oxygen athmosphere. The colour alone radiates something peaceful leaving me rather nostalgic.

I am rather proud of this picture, especially since I was simultanously getting poured coffee over my legs as well, thank you for that Tal. A mostly metal composed planet with rings of iron.

I still struggle to understand why we had to land there to gather some mineral samples, but I am not the commander on this tiny doomed vessel. The gravity was so enourmous that I had bruises all over my body from the short moment of getting in and out of the SRV. The mineral samples were .. common.

The next few hundred ly's were rather unspectacular until we hit a field of white dwarves and neutron stars. Obviously the boost they give to the FSD is wonderful, but .. if it was up to me I would rather spend a few months or years longer on the way than driving in there. My only current hope is that Tal's stomach is empty soon.

Watching Yves in the cockpit makes me wonder like usually why a doctor in general would want to go into space, a psychiatrist at that. At the end of the road I have to thank my father for that, being worried for his most treasured commodity, aka me, his heir. Admittably he has a hand for nice scenery, even if he talks way too much for my taste.

I feel terribly tired currently, even typing seems exhausting, for what is the need of it anyway? "Documentation", my father would say. "Memories", my sister would dissagree and Yves probably would say something nonsensical like "Writing and tears are both a way of the soul to bleed."

'Habit' is my take on it. Also a kind of 'insurgency' since my memory has it's holes.

Like this picture. It is a bit older by now, a heavy metal planet I discovered, habitable with a ring, athmosphere and far out. So far out that noone would find or approach me with anything. Perhaps not even the voices. They keep getting louder again recently, only being quiet when I am nearly passed out. They are singing, quietly, like a soft drill that gets deeper and deeper in my brain.

I checked my cybernetics for any record of an object, anything that could cause it, but nothing. I start to doubt their functionality, their truth.

Especially that eye. It is recording, not just for me. I am certain of it. My father perhaps. When I asked Yves about it he got that worried expression of his. Maybe he is involved?

His emotional entachement to myself is, in fact, not reproduceable. I am certain by now that he is at least a spy for him, have to investigate that implant-theory.

Currently we are approaching the Skaudai Nebula, like I ordered. That i.v. of his is running it's contents in the suits' urine recyclement bladder.

You're not poisoning me, Yves. I am not insane, no matter how much you are gaslightening me.

It has been a while since the Eagle Nebula and guess what? Huan still sleeps. Well, at least in between he was awake to snap at me how I dare to hook him on an I.V.! Well, sorry, darling - I am your doctor, you recall? Writing this I do notice that I am still a bit upset about his reaction, I might take the next opportunity to land and meditate a bit before I almost-crash us in a sun (again).

A smooth landing later and an hour of music and meditation I actually feel better, though I catch myself wondering about 'home' again, about those I had to leave behind. Do they still live? It would be too easy to make contact, so I rather stay here and brood. I am not sure I could handle the news that they are not alright.

Ah, and Huan is still sleeping - to be fair, I start to get a bit worried. He was talking to himself again the last days, shrugging it off when I pointed it out - I know he knows that I know that the black is getting back at him again. Space madness is such a mean word, but im afraid that's just it. He got better in between, mentally, while we still where in the habited planes of the bubble. Of course he was pissed because of all the socializing he had to to, but alas - you might hate it, but you need it to stay sane.

The good thing is that the crew in Eagles Landing was able to fix the leftovers of my fuck-up without him noticing. Well, in any case, the nebula was a sight to behold. The mixture of yellow, purple and black just gets to me, I assume.

There is nothing better than picturesque scenery to distract from worrying, is there?! Earlier I hooked Huan with an i.v. so he at least gets some nutrients and water, who knows how long that hibernation thing of him will take this time.

Between the Omega and the Eagle Nebula our.. no, his ship decided to have an electronic failure and almost crashed me into the sun, it pretty much was mere coincidence that my frying cybernetics caused the right circuits to make us stop before we turned into one molten blob of meat and metal. Huan is sleeping tight somewhere between some crates, which probably is my luck, given his rather impulsive reactions to stupid mistakes like that. But then, I am a doctor, not a trained pilot, and my conscience is half at ease. The other half is a tad upset with the fact that 'killing two humans' isn't very medically approved either.

I still sit on the news about his sister crashing somewhere lightyears behind us, considering how to best inform him of that. Our mission is important, and that would make it all go havoc.

This is me, sister of Yong Huan. Always in his shadow, always the one mentioned in the last part of a sentence at festivities of our family. But this time something happened I deemed worthy of sharing. I hope you can forgive me, brother, for hacking into your logbook. But .. I am desperate, lost.

You always seem to know where you go, having your plans, your ships designed years before you even purchase them. Having your route set, your destination drawn out in your mind. You are the guided one, by the stars, by yourself, by whomever. Me instead, I fly aimlessly, let the void draw me where it wants me to be, eager to find new things. Is that why you are the shining one, and I am forgotten?

I was .. drifting again, towards nowhere, towards a planet that was not pretty or in any way noteworthy - but something called to me. Something wanted me there. I knew it was my destination. Then I saw it, luring me. Like a flower in the ground, a descent that pulled on my soul.

It was then I passed out, faintly rememering fire, a crash. So this is where I die? Out here? Where noone finds my bones? In the darkness I was drifting in there was no pain, only amusement - how fitting. While you, dear brother, name planets after you, I die at the ass of nowhere because of a feeling.

I was too drowzy to remember much of the next things. Dirt rubbing along my spine. Getting dragged and still feeling like I was flying. Is that how bloodloss feels? Like your brain is without gravity, your forhead cold. Do I even have limbs left? Through my helmet I see ruins, odd skies. When did I even put that thing on? Did I?

Then I wake, hurting. But not dead. There is noone here, brother. Only me. But why do I live? I should not. I cannot. Am I a ghost? Am I even writing this?

I will start walking now, somewhere, trying to see if I can find my ship. Any ship. Or something alive - perhaps what saved me. If you get this, brother, do not forget me. For once try to not only look on the horizon but behind yourself.